12 Metatasks for the Clueless Father-To-Be

1. Get your calendar, to-do lists, cell phone, and other ‘coordinating’ tools under control and in constant use.
If you’re like me you don’t always have a very full schedule, and so your calendar and to-do lists may be rather scattered and ad-hoc. Expect that you will probably lose 50 IQ points for the first month or more. Construct your calendar and lists for a person who is that challenged. That person will be you.

2. Watch videos — there are many aspects of baby care you just need to see rather than read about.
I’m very verbal and tend to get my information from books. I’m also impatient with stupid instructional videos. I should have just rented every video in the library. Thing is, you can practically turn off the sound. Just watch how people handle and interact with their babies. It’s informative.

3. Get your insurance straightened out and mark your calendar to follow-up on the newborn’s insurance.
Most personal insurance covers the baby for 30 days after birth. Insurance companies are ruthless if there is a preexisting condition. Need I say more?

4. Clear your schedule for 3 weeks on either side of the due date.
You can cancel, postpone, and float tasks. Tell relatives to go away unless they pledge to change diapers. Seriously. “So you’ll change her diapers and watch her so that we can sleep” is a good reply to “We’re all coming to see the new baby!”, followed by “Please only one relative at a time (who is willing to change diapers). Otherwise we’ll be overwhelmed.”

5. Try all means of education early so you can see what works for you.
Go to classes, read books, watch videos, etc., but do it EARLY. By about month 7 you’ll both start to run out of time to get ready.

6. Be über-social – hang out with friends who have babies, enjoy couplehood, observe real parents in the wild.

7. Be healthy (so it’s easier for wife to do so).

8. Be understanding (you’re going to need the practice).

9. Be communicative.
Lots of guys are not very communicative. After you have a child, your ability to communicate with your partner may well determine whether or not you get divorced in a few years. Practice while it’s easy.

10. Practice the following skills (napping, doing everything one-handed, multitasking, all while your helpful partner blasts one of those miniature bullhorns in your ear).
Somewhat joking. Don’t hurt your ears.

11. Finish all preparation 1 month before due date.
I’m convinced our due date was off by at least a week. If you read up on how due dates are calculated, you can understand how arbitrary they are. Although she was technically two weeks early (though to term), our baby had super-high APGAR scores and was fully baked. Most babies arrive before the due date, the assigned due dates are guesses at best, and slightly pre-term arrivals are quite common–so at 8 months your time’s up, buddy. Of course you might still have to wait six weeks. Think of it as an arbitrarily wide finish line that you’re crossing in the dark and you’ll know you’ve reached the end when the ground disappears from beneath you.

12. Buy or otherwise obtain the gear you’ll need, or know exactly which items you want and where you’re going to get them.
It’s prudent to not buy absolutely everything, as you rightly don’t know how the pregnancy will turn out, but don’t let that stop you from shopping. Again, after the IQ point drop, everything is difficult.